錯估愛情形勢

　　Melanie與Henry結婚3年。Henry是一位好好先生，說話輕聲細語，事業有成但為人謙厚。每次Melanie大發雷霆，Henry總是帶著小禮物或鮮花回家，平息太太的怒氣。一天，Melanie如事的發脾氣，這次Henry卻兩手空空回來，Melanie即大為不滿，怒氣沖沖地嚷著離婚，想不到Henry同意了。Melanie完完全全地誤解了自己的丈夫，錯估形勢。18個月後，努力地與丈夫重修舊好的Melanie赫然發現前夫已經跟一個較自己年輕貌美、性格如Henry般和善的女人結婚。Melanie再次完完全全地錯估自己的形勢。

 

　　活士（Tiger Woods），這位哥爾夫球壇一哥曾被選為美國體壇最喜愛男運動員。他集萬千寵愛於一身，猶如站在永遠不敗之地。不過，當他的婚外情醜聞四散，妻子捨他而去，隨之失去的還有他的支持者、贊助商，最後是他的哥爾夫球成就。

 

　　約克公爵夫人之名未為莎拉·佛格森（Sarah Ferguson）帶來璀璨的人生，婚姻離異後的日子更是潦倒──面對破產、刑事指控、國際逮捕令……她對自己全盤錯估的人生依舊不惑。

 

　　人類的其中一種生活技能是要正確地解讀他人的想法及當前的形勢。大多數的情況下，會審時度勢的人自然成功；錯估形勢的人會導致及承受惡果。以下兩種是最常見的錯誤解讀情況。

 

(1) 粗心大意－對於細節抱持不諒解及漠不關心的態度

 

　　62歲的Lamenda Kingdon計劃去遊覽位於西班牙格拉納達（Granada）的著名景點──阿蘭布拉宮，殊不知，因為地名拼寫有誤，她最後到了位於加納比海的格瑞那達（Grenada）而非位於歐洲的格拉納達（Granada）。社交平台Twitter上市當天，因為股票經紀的錯誤，一間名為Tweeter的家用電子產品公司的股價波動了1800%。不是每個錯誤均有趣地收場。黃小萍原本是要接受割盲腸的手術的，但最後她進行的是乳房切除手術；手術當天，醫護人員搞亂了黃小萍與鄰房的乳癌患者黃小平的身份。

 

(2) 自大－高估了自我能力，對現實抱有一廂情願的想法

　　在美國，言論自由最為重要，阿桑奇（Julian Assange）理應能絲毫無損地開脫的，除非美國一視同仁，同樣地限制自己的記者，不然美國政府不能控告他。如果阿桑奇判斷準確，他就不用躲在位於倫敦的厄瓜多爾大使館3年了。斯諾登（Edward Snowden）想成為英雄及愛國者，不幸地，他被當作異見者、叛徒與告密者。沒有名成利就，斯諾登現在避走俄羅斯。如果陳振聰當日沒有錯誤判斷形勢，他大可保著龔如心家人讓出的50億元，而不是12年的鐵窗生涯。

 

　　為何我們會誤解或漠視擺在眼前的事實？過往，信件的傳遞需時數周，收到信件，我們懷著興奮的心情，細嚼每句每字，即使是微不足到的瑣事足教我們喜悅。時至今日，身處在資訊爆炸的環境，鋪天蓋地的資訊長期轟炸我們，有真實的，也有失真的，我們學會選擇性地吸收資訊，主要是我們揀選我們想要的，並厭惡地摒棄我們眼中多餘的。這種由自己的主觀喜惡調製出來的過濾方式培植出自大的個性，鄙視一切自己不認同的事物。對於世上的所有事情，我們以為自己均有答案，可以主宰自己的所思所想，當人誤以為自己無所不知，便開始與現實脫軌。事實變成相對的而非絕對的，誤解事物變成新常態。

 

　　要準確地解讀人事是需要沉浸回來的，難學亦難以駕馭。即使終生練習亦不代表絕對可靠，只能減少誤解。對人、對細節及對事實的準確度抱有基本的尊重，只有這種態度植根，我們才會少一點自我，抗衡內心的自大，全面地看清這個真實的世界。

 

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

 

Misreading People & Situations

 

　　Melanie and Henry had been married for 3 years. Henry is a nice guy, soft spoken,  successful yet modest. Every time Melanie threw a fit, Henry would come home with small gifts or flowers as peace offerings. One day, after yet another outburst, Henry came home bringing nothing. Ego bruised, Melanie threw a tantrum and threatened divorce. Henry accepted. Melanie had utterly misread her husband. 18 months later, working desperately to lure Henry into reconciliation, she discovered to her horror he had just remarried to someone younger, prettier and mild mannered like himself. For the second time, Melanie had completely misread her situation.

 

　　Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer of all times, was voted America’s Most Beloved Athlete. Immensely popular, he felt invincible. As stories of his infidelity continued to unravel, his wife left him, so did his supporters, large corporate sponsors, and finally, the golf game...

 

　　Instead of living a glamorous life as Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson’s post divorce life has been hard... Facing bankruptcies, criminal charges and an international arrest warrant …She is still amazed how she could have misread her situation so unreservedly... 

 

　　One of the most vital human skills in life is the ability to read people and situations correctly. Oftentimes, those who excel, prevail; those who fail either suffer or cause dire consequences. The two most common reasons for misreading are: 

 

(1) Carelessness - the unforgivable, nonchalant attitude regarding details. 

 

　　62-year-old Lamenda Kingdon decided to visit the famed Alhambra Palace in Granada, Spain. One spelling mistake, and she ended up in Grenada in the Caribbean, instead of Granada in Europe… On the day that Twitter’s stock went public, the stocks of Tweeter, a home electronics company surged 1800% -  a result of stockbrokers’ errors…..Not all stories of inaccuracies are funny, Wong Siu Ping went to have her appendix removed and ended up with a mastectomy, a mistaken identity with Wong Siu Hing , a breast cancer patient next door… 

 

(2) Arrogance – overestimating one’s strength, confusing wishful thinking for reality.

 

　　Freedom of Speech being a topic of paramount importance in the States, Julian Assange was certain he would walk away unscathed as Americans could never prosecute him without applying the same restrictions to their journalists! Had he been right, he wouldn’t be hiding inside the embassy of Ecuador in London since three years…. Edward Snowden dreamed of becoming a hero and patriot… unfortunately, also a dissident, traitor and whistleblower. Instead of  fame and fortune in full glory, he now hides in Russia… Had Chan Chun Chung not misread his situation, he could have kept the $5 billion Nina Wang’s family initially offered him instead of doing 12 years behind bars…

 

　　Why do we misread  and fail to see the obvious ? In the days when it took a letter weeks to arrive, we would read our mail with gusto, savour every word & cherish every morsel of information however trivial. Today, living in an age of sensory overload, continuously bombarded by an abundance of information,  some true some not so true, we learn to assimilate information selectively, mostly only what we wish to process, discarding surplus with disdain. The power to filter discriminately at our pleasure and leisure nurtures arrogance and breeds contempt for anything unflattering. We have an answer to everything, legend in our own mind, we feel erudite and omnipotent and the disconnect with reality begins . Facts become relative rather than absolute, misreading has become the new normal.

 

　　Accurate reading of people and situations is a cultivated skill which is difficult to learn and even more difficult to master. Even with a lifetime of practice, it is never infallible, one can only better the odds. Beginning with the fundamental respect for people, details and factual accuracies, it is only when such an attitude is rooted that we become less self centered, and see the real world in panoramic perspectives as versus deep inside the tunnel vision of one’s own greatness.

 

 

 《經濟通》所刊的署名及／或不署名文章，相關內容屬作者個人意見，並不代表《經濟通》立場，《經濟通》所扮演的角色是提供一個自由言論平台。

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