友妻誘惑

　　最近有一個傳言鬧得熱烘烘。音樂巨匠兼《美國偶像》製作人西蒙•維爾 (Simon Cowell)，搭上好友Andrew36歲的妻子Lauren，Lauren更懷有Simon的孩子。怒火中燒的Andrew已申請離婚，並爭取獨力照顧他們的七歲兒子。

　　除卻Andrew認為Lauren是個不稱職的母親，外遇更帶來難以承受的羞辱，結下復仇的果。他們大部份的朋友均站於可憐的丈夫一方。Simon形勢孤立，對他的電視節目與公眾形象而言，是場災難。

　　密蘇里大學曾投入相關的研究，發現在生理上，男性並不會隨便勾搭好友的妻子。當他們與有可能成為性伴侶的人接觸，睪丸素水平會上升；相反，與朋友妻子的互動卻令睪丸素水平下降！

　　原因？人類身體構造相當有趣。尷尬讓人臉紅、驚恐使人顫抖，皆是自然而生，無關天氣或溫度等問題。當男性與好友的妻子調情，睪丸素水平隨之下降乃自然現象。了解此生理機制或會為村莊、鄰里、城市等社群生活關係模式帶來啟示，甚至進一步瞭解聯盟的建立與國際合作的形成。

　　「雖然男性有追求朋友的伴侶的機會，但主動爭取機會、求愛、甚至挑逗的行為相對罕見。」人類學教授Dr. Mark Flinn指出，「我們的研究結果認為，男性的想法已進化至尊重友儕間的穩定關係。」

　　根據Flinn的說法，進化上，男性若持續不顧朋友間的信任及挑戰家庭的穩定，可能為整個社群招來惡果。於群體中不被信任的男性將變得脆弱，更易被打擊和征服。失信的代價遠超於與朋友伴侶共同養育下一代所帶來的滿足。

我想起兩個著名的故事 :

　　《唐吉訶德》內有一段故事，講述來自佛羅倫斯的貴族Anselmo，沉迷於測試妻子對他的忠誠，故讓自己的好友嘗試引誘她，結果鑄成大錯。

　　《聖城風雲》中的謎思是另一警醒世人的故事。蘭斯洛特(Sir Lancelot)背叛亞瑟王(King Arthur)，搭上皇后桂妮薇兒(Guinevere)。背叛旋即使圓桌關係破裂，帝國沉落。信任蕩然無存，由有能之士組成的聯盟亦隨之瓦解。

　　紐約州立大學的社會學家及《The Gendered Society》的作者Michael Kimmel，曾寫到：「男性是感性的，他們揭露弱點和獲取信任。」據Kimmel的說法，男性經常採用與女性不同的處事手法。男性朋友更愛結伴行動，較少言談。話雖如此，男性間的友誼絕不較女性的失色。

　　G.K. Chesterton巧妙地指出：「有很多愚笨的人稱我為朋友，我的朋友亦稱我為愚笨的人。」男性的友誼是社會結構中重要的一環，該獲大家的尊重。

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

Seducing  A Friend’s Wife

　　Recent tabloids are all sizzling with hot gossips. The music mogul Simon Cowell, creator of the immensely popular and profitable TV Show, The American Idol singing contest is said to have had a relationship with 36-year-old Lauren Silverman, wife of his erstwhile good friend Andrew Silverman, and Lauren is now pregnant with Simon’s child. The irate Mr. Silverman has filed for divorce and sole custody of their 7 year old son.

　　Aside from the fact that Andrew doesn't think Lauren is a very good mother, there's an element of revenge for being utterly humiliated. Most of their mutual friends are standing by the poor husband. Simon feels ostracized, it's also a disaster for his TV show and public image.

　　The University of Missouri has conducted a research and found that biologically, it is actually not easy for adult males to seduce wives of close friends. Whilst men’s testosterone levels generally increase when they are interacting with a potential sexual partner, the testosterone level somehow drops when interacting with a friend’s wife !!

　　Why? The human body is a funny contraption. When we are embarrassed, we blush… when we are frightened, we tremble…it has nothing to do with the weather or temperature. When a man tries to seduce his close friend’s wife, his testosterone level drops… Understanding this biological mechanism may shed light on how people can build community lives such as villages, neighborhoods, cities and even evolved to form alliances and global cooperation. “Although men have many chances to pursue a friend’s mate, propositions for adultery are relatively rare on a per opportunity basis,” said Dr. Mark Flinn, Professor of Anthropology. “our findings suggest that men’s minds have evolved to foster a situation where the stable pair bonds of friends are respected.”

　　Evolutionarily, men who were constantly betraying their friends’ trust and endangering the stability of families may have caused a survival disadvantage for their entire communities, according to Flinn. A community of men who didn’t trust each other would be brittle and vulnerable to attack and conquest. The costs of an untrustworthy reputation would have outweighed the benefits of having extra offspring with a friend’s conjugal companion.

Two famous stories that immediately come to mind:

　　(A) In Don Quixote, Part I, the novel of The Man Who Was Recklessly Curious – a Florentine nobleman, Anselmo, who becomes obsessed with testing his wife's fidelity, and talks his close friend Lothario into attempting to seduce her, with disastrous results for all.

　　(B) Another cautionary tale of the dangers of adultery can be found in the myth of Camelot. Sir Lancelot betrayed King Arthur by seducing Guinevere. Soon after, the fellowship of the Knights of the Round Table disintegrated and the kingdom fell. The alliance of powerful males could not hold once trust had been lost.

　　Michael Kimmel, a sociologist at State University of New York and author of The Gendered Society wrote:“Men are emotional. They disclose weakness and build trust.” According to Kimmel, men just don’t always do it the way women would. Male friends do more together but talk less than female friends. Yet that doesn’t make male friendship any less remarkable or important.

　　Or as G.K. Chesterton so aptly put it, “ There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.” Men’s friendship is the fundamental fabric of society, best for all to respect it.